I haven’t been very successful at doing spirituality the past couple years because it’s stopped being my special interest.
But I think I ought to pursue it and I want to want to.
It remains at least, an interest. And I have no other special interest that would compete with it which helps.
Also I read this in Suzuki which made me smile:
''I have often talked to you about a frog, and each time everybody laughs. But a frog is very interesting. He sits like us, too, you know. But he does not think that he is doing anything so special. When you go to a zendo and sit, you may think you are doing some special thing. While your husband or wife is sleeping, you are practicing zazen! You are doing some special thing, and your spouse is lazy! That may be your understanding of zazen. But look at the frog. A frog also sits like us, but he has no idea of zazen. Watch him. If something annoys him, he will make a face, If something comes along to eat, he will snap it up and eat, and he eats sitting. Actually that is our zazen -- not any special thing''
[The book says the same about buddhism and studying the teachings - it is nothing special]
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Ooh loss of specialness, look at me